my blog

True Colours.

2010-03-08T01:04:00.005+08:00

Im sitting down in front of my computer and enjoying my maggie mee.
While eating and looking through pictures on facebook which my classmate has tagged me regarding the Hair Show i did last Friday.

Suddenly, i want to blog about the hair show...

Things didn't go well at first. i wasn't sure of what to do and i tried out many different hairup but none seems to be nice.

At that point of time, i seem so unsure and aimless.
I dun know what to do at all.
I thought you both would at least give me some suggestions or help me.
But nope.
Instead of helping me, you guys just carry on with whatever things you are doing and when you are done, you just ask me to tie a ponytail and backcomb.
Oh well, yes you did suggest but do you think is good enough for a hairshow?
You both just left me and my model alone and die.
Is that what you call Best Friends?
Is that what Best Friends should do?

And ya! you want to help me, yes you did offer your help with your arrogant attitude?
"Kenny, are you sure you can do it alone? I know im good so im helping you."
WTF!.
so after telling me that, do you think i will still accept your offer?

And the most disappointing part is him.
After two years of friendship you just stand there and never offer me help until the actual day of the hair show then you asked me whether i need help!
From the first day of the rehearsal, i clearly have shown you that i need help.
But what the hell you did?
Standing there and watch me fall.
oh yes im telling you now, that's what you did.

I didn't want to participate in the hair show in the first place.
But because she and him advised me to.
And i know that is the last time we can do hair together.
That's why i agreed.
I treasured the friendship.
But did you?

All i recieved from you both at the point when i was so weak and aimless was fakeness and wanting for me to fall.

But thank god i carried myself up from the fall with the help of Kat and Love, i picked up.
I want to prove you two wrong that i don't need you to help me. Or should i say that from the start i don't need the help from you both.

Everything went smoothly. Hair turned out to be perfect. I didn't disappoint myself and the friends around me who TRUELY care for me.

You both are just friends who make use of one another and at the end of the day the friendship is just filled with competiting and fakeness.
And you still can call me and act as though nothing happened.

seriously, i think you both should really just leave me alone and get out of my life.
Cause after whatever happened at the hair show, you have finally shown me your true colours.
And if i can turn back the time, you both wont be included in my list at all.

Im truely disappointed with the both of you and please for now just fuck off from my life and i will be praying that i wont have anymore friends who are like you both.

And im sorry that your wish didn't come true and thank you so much for showing me your true colours cause if you both didn't, i wouldn't have known that actually i have a talent inside me.

With just two days of figuring out what to do for the hairshow and i can come out with that, im considering myself good.

P.S: Just Stay Away From Me Now on since we have graduated.

Do you dare?

2010-02-01T18:50:00.002+08:00

that's the stuff that can make you happy no matter how sad you are.

the question is
DO YOU DARE TO GIVE IT A TRY?

Army...

2010-01-25T23:56:00.006+08:00

I fear army neither because of the physical training nor the way officers look at us but the fear of becoming into one's that i did not foresee myself become to.

They said
"A guy enter army as a boy, and leave army as a man."

P.S: i dun want to lose anything i have right now..

Batam Trip, December 2009

2010-01-07T23:26:00.028+08:00

31.12.2009

2009-12-31T12:43:00.003+08:00

31.12.09
Last day of 2009.

I GOTTA FEELING THAT TONIGHT WILL BE A GOOD NIGHT....

Tonight will be the night that i will reunite with my crazy darlings.
WOOHOOO....
LET'S ROCK THE DANCE FLOOR!.

1st november 2009

2009-11-01T20:32:00.000+08:00

1st November 2009

exactly one year ago, my grandpa passed away.
i always remember this date.
7 days before my birthday.
time really flies.

I'm doing well in Kim Robinson.
getting along well with the people and I am starting to enjoy it.

Birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday,birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday,birthday,birthday,birthday, birthday, birthday,birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday,birthday, birthday,birthday...........................................
MY BIRTHDAY IS DRAWING NEAR. :)

I'm thinking of what to wish for on my birthday.

P.S: Prospect is often better than Possession.

Attachment started!

2009-10-17T18:05:00.004+08:00

17th October 2009, Saturday
my first off from work.
and i'm too lazy to get out of the house to enjoy my off day.
working in Kim Robinson is so much more tiring than Starbucks.

working time at Kim Robinson is 10am to 7pm.
9 hours of standing include about half an hour of lunch and smoking break.
it may seems to you wa! only 9 hours of standing and doing nothing what.
you are completely wrong.
yes 9 hours of standing and we got a lot of responsibilies.
and is quite stressful working in Kim Robinson.
a lot of political issues, a lot of standards and a hell lot of superiors.

is just only the fifth day of attachment and i am already struggling.
HELP! HELP! HELP ME!

people may give me wow! Kim Robinson or so good, Kim Robinson better than my salon of reaction but seriously now after just 5 days of work i can tell you i rather go to the salon you are in. even though Kim Robinson is a nice working environment to work in but the people and the hell lots of rules and standards there spoilt it.

but one advantage of Kim Robinson is that their blowdry and washing is damn fcuking good.
a customer came in with long straight rebonded hair, after the services they walked out of the salon with volume curl hair. and the curl is bouncy and healthy kind of curl like mariah carey's.

when i was working, i got to chat with some of the seniors and i got to find out that Kim Robinson himself charged his customer $2,388 for just one fcuking haircut. and he is one of the most expensive hairstlyist in the world. fcuking $2,388!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The charges for haircut done by the directors will be from $238 to $388.
the charges for haircut done by the seniors hairstylist will be from $138 to $188.
and just for the senior hairstylist can earn up to $5.5k per month.
for the directors can earn up to $15k per month.

Let's just hope the 2 month of attachment will pass quickly.

P.S: My hope and passion for hairstyling is gone after working in Kim Robinson for just 5 days.
God Please Help Me!

Nervous =o

2009-09-09T14:23:00.002+08:00

I'M HAVING INTERVIEW AT KIM ROBINSON AT 6.30pm.

P.S: nervousnervousnervousnervousnervousnervousnervousnervousnervousnervous

If you could just push aside your pride and ego..........

2009-07-27T22:21:00.002+08:00

Dad bought me a new desktop.
Thank you dad!;)
thank god! now it is so much faster than my previous one.

I am so wanting to get out of Singapore!
but school just started.
and exams are coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

~Nobody would want things to turn out this way.
I dun want you to repeat the path that i took.
I want to help you.
I want to care for you.
I want us to be brothers like we used to be.
But you are not trying to let me in.
You have a great future and i know that you have worked hard for where you are today.
If you are going to stop now, everything will be gone.
If you could just push aside your pride and ego.......... =( ~

P.S:I really do cherish you, my brother.

Mariah Carey

2009-06-20T13:52:00.009+08:00

This is Mariah Carey's new album, Obsessed.
It will be available in store in Aug 09.
Great song.

LADY GAGA! :)

2009-06-20T13:19:00.002+08:00

GET AMPed WITH LADY GAGA!.

and yes. i went for the showcase by Lady Gaga. :)
Fantastic entertainer she is.
great great performance.

P.S: I LOVE GAGA!.

I love them =>

2009-05-12T22:12:00.005+08:00

We are the most beautiful creatures living in this world.
Living in this world, we experience different types of emotion.
Love, Sadness, Loss, Lonely, Happiness, Anger, and Hardship.
In order to overcome these bad experiences, we need a group of beautiful creatures to help, guide us along the way.

As for me, i have a group of wonderful and beautiful creatures.
they had seen the worst of me.
they had seen the happiest of me.
they had seen the saddest of me.
they had accompanied me through my toughest time of my life.

I love them more than i love myself.
I thank them with my heart.
I hug them with my soul.

After 5 to 7 years of friendship since secondary school,
we are still together as one and we shall stay forever as one.
I LOVE YOU, DARLINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =>

Sentosa =>

2009-05-06T20:45:00.007+08:00

Happy Birthday, Rhian =>

2009-05-04T23:01:00.010+08:00

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY RHIAN DARLING!!!!!!!!!!!.
hope you like the presents we did it for you.
we enjoyed the party.
thanks for everything.
love love. =>

P.S:
Before you, my life was like a motionless night.
very dark, but there were stars.
And then, you shot across my sky like a meteor.
Suddenly, everything was on fire, there was brilliancy, there was beauty.
When you were gone, the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went blank.
Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.
But now, i have everything i need with me to carry on ahead.
=>

Will the World end in 2012?

2009-04-27T21:29:00.009+08:00

Will the World end in 2012?

According to Mayan Calender, Yes.

There is a somewhat wideheld belief that the end of the Mayan Calender - December 21, 2012 - will be the end of the world as well. Sure, it could be just another “doomsday” prophesy tossed out there, but there are quite a few interesting coincidences.

First, December 21, 2012 is the winter solstice. It is well known that the Mayans were advanced mathematicians and astronomers, so this might not be quite so coincidental. It should also be noted that there is an eclipse of the sun scheduled for November of 2012 - while not matching up exactly, the timing of celestial events with the ending of the calendar can be considered interesting.

So, if the world is going to end, how will it happen? The prevailing theory seems to have to do with the Earth’s magnetic fields. This basically states that either the Earth’s magnetic field will reverse all at once, or that the Earth will slowly stop spinning, sit “still” for a few days, then begin spinning the opposite direction. The result of reversing magnetic fields are very very bad - mass flooding and earthquakes kind of bad. This theory is supported by the sunspot cycles of the sun which seems to be heading for a climax around 2012.

It has been proposed that the Earth occassionally reverses magnetic fields - the last of which theorized as having occrred around 780,000 years ago. It’s a bit difficult to say this with any degree of accuracy however, and until we actually witness (if?) this, it is just a theory.

Perhaps more interesting is the apparent dates of other “doomsday” prophecies - most notably Revelations. The 7-year Apocalypse is apparently scheduled to happen starting December 21, 2008, and run to 2015. So you’ll want to clear your calendars for that. While the exact date of the Apocalypse is never explicitly given, this site/book is interesting in that it takes a scientific approach moreso than a strictly religious one. Naturally, Nostradamus weighs in, but he’s been predicting disaster for how many years now - and considering his predictions run until around A.D. 3797, I think it’s safe to say that he’s not banking on the world ending.

Yet another popular argument to support this end of the world scenario is to look at past advanced civilizations. The Mayans essentially disappeared, the Romans and Egyptians eventually fell, and did Atlantis really exist? We can certainly consider our current state of advancement to be at least on par with what our ancestors were, so are we due for a regression as they were?

In the end, there’s really no way to know about this until it happens - sure, you can build that bunker and stockpile it with canned goods, but you’ll probably just end up wasting a bunch of time and money. As a final note, you should take everything above with a boulder of salt.

P.S: If the world is going to end in Year 2012, i will miss my friends, my loved ones.
I shall see you guys in the other world. :)

Bintan Trip Part 2

2009-04-05T23:39:00.009+08:00

BINTAN TRIP part 2 =>

Knowing about myself.

2009-04-02T14:12:00.002+08:00

A Quiz about knowing your personality.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

This is the result of my personality. =>

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Bintan Trip =>

2009-04-01T13:54:00.011+08:00

Welcome to BINTAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Exhausted.

2009-03-20T22:11:00.003+08:00

Holidays have been great so far.
spent most of my time working my ass off.
one word to describe : exhausted.
anyway, i will be going Bintan soon.
on Monday.
=> woo hoo!

Have you ever heard of Imprinting?
It's one of the bizarre things to deal with.
It doesn't happen to everyone.
In fact, it's the rare exception, not the rule.
Love at first sight? but more powerful?

It didn't happen to me before........

Labels: Three more days to BINTAN. =>

Tired.

2009-03-12T21:14:00.003+08:00

I shut my eyes.
Lot of things going on in my mind.
Hair Perming Practical exam, Advanced Haircutting Practical exam, Hair Coloring Theory and Practical.........

when i opened my eyes, i realized that year one is over. exams are over. I'm having holiday now.

there's one thing that is always on my mind and yet to let go.

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.
Set me free, leave me be. I don’t want to fall another moment
You loved me ’cause I’m fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

I'm too tired to say anything.
I'm too tired of feeling this way.
I'm too tired of everything.

and there you see the distinction between our feelings:
had he been in my place and I in his, though i hated him with a hatred that turned my life to gall, i never would have raised a hand against him. you may look incredulous, if you please! I never would have banished him from her society as long as she desired his. The moment her regard ceased, i would have torn his heart out and drank his blood! But, till then, if you dun believe me, you dun know me. till then, i would have died by inches before I touched a single hair of his head.
adapt from the book "Wuthering Heights".

a simple word LOVE turned into a word HATE.

P.S: I miss my friends. Cherry darling, i love you =>

in need of pictures.

2009-02-28T15:44:00.002+08:00

The pain.

2009-02-25T21:11:00.002+08:00

I lay in my bed, resigned as the pain finally made its appearance.

It was a crippling thing, this sensation that a huge hole had been punched through my chest, excising my most vital organs and leaving ragged, unhealed gashes around the edges that continued to throb and bleed despite the passage of time.

Rationally, I knew my lungs must still be intact, yet i gasped for air and my head spun like my efforts yielding me nothing. My heart must have been beating, too, but i couldn't hear the sound of my pulse in my ears. My hands felt blue with cold.i curled inward, hugging my ribs to hold myself together. I scrambled for my numbness, my denial, but it evaded me.

And yet, i found i could survive. I felt the pain. The aching loss that radiated out from my chest, sending wracking waves of hurt through my limbs and head.

It didn't feel like the pain had weakened over time, rather that I'd strong enough to bear.

Labels: For the first time in a long time, i cried.

Missing holidays! =>

2009-02-13T17:07:00.004+08:00

IM STILL NOT ATTENDING SCHOOL ON TIME.........
HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW?

i miss holidays.

Labels: My friends are CRAZY!.

Friends =>

2009-02-03T21:36:00.004+08:00

It's not about where you go in life,
It's about who's by your side that make it all worth while.

Friends are the one who will accompany you through your life.

School is tiring!

2009-01-22T22:47:00.008+08:00

Lately, I have been so tired of school literally.
or i should say I'm too tired to go to school.
i dun understand why?
i have been sleeping earlier these days.
i have been a good boy, going straight home after school from Monday to Friday.
but i just can't WAKE UP.

Lecturers started to get sick and tired of me because of my punctuality.
i do notice that.
but i really did try my best to wake up, but i just couldn't wake up.
i can swear to god i really did try my best.

I'm lacking of motivations to go to school.
all i know is Kenny, you must go to school if not I'm going to be so blacklisted in my attendance.
Perhaps I'm already blacklisted for that.
Oh my LORDDDDDDDDDDD...........
please help me.
please save me.
I'm so in need of a motivator to motivate me to go to school and a really BIG alarm clock to wake me up for school everyday.

arrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
there's school tomorrow.
how i wish everyday is Saturday.
i miss HOLIDAYs.

Labels: Attention is never a good thing, as any other accident-prone klutz would agree.
No one wants a spotlight when they're likely to fall on their face.

but i do know a BITCH in my class who wants all those attention.

my dream.

2009-01-14T23:18:00.003+08:00

A few nights ago, i dreamt that .......

i stepped out to the edge of a cliff, keeping my eyes on the empty, dark sea in front of me.
my toes felt ahead blindly, caressing the edge of the rock when i stepped on it.
i drew in a deep breath and held it inside my lungs and waited......
it was raining heavily.
i'm standing there alone in the blowing rain that tossed my hair and drenched my clothes.
i rolled up onto the balls of my feet.
i raised my arms straight out, as if i were going to dive, lifting my face into the rain.
i leaned forward and i flung myself off the cliff.
i screamed as i dropped through the open air like a meteor.
the scream was not because of fear but was a scream of exhilaration.
i plunged deeper into the freezing black water.
the waves were fighting over me, jerking me back and forth.
the angry water was black in every direction.
there was no brightness to direct me to.
i was flung round and round by the strong dark waves.
i tried to fight against it.
i forced my arms to continue moving, my legs to kick harder, though every second i was facing a complete new direction.

out of the blue, a part of my head voiced out, " why? what's the point of fighting against the waves?"

i stopped my moves.
i didn't want to fight anymore.
i had no will to fight anymore.
why should i fight when i'm already happy where i was?
my ears were flooded with the freezing water.
and next second i know, i'm drowning.
my lungs burned for more air and my legs cramped in the icy water.
i was content.
water flooded down my throat, choking and burning.
the breath whooshed out of my lungs escaping in a thick cloud of silver bubbles.

death is peaceful, that was my last thought.

Labels: I'd had forgotten what real happiness felt like.

Let me be myself

2009-01-07T23:38:00.004+08:00

I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I CUT MY HAIR.
PERHAPS IM TRYING TO FIND MYSELF BACK.

Labels: I guess i just got lost, being someone else.

Double O =>

2009-01-04T20:17:00.005+08:00

Had fun at Double O. =>

Labels: In a country like Singapore, where everyone lived on top of everyone else, diplomacy is essential.

Year 2009! =>

2009-01-03T21:53:00.008+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR.
YEAR 2009.
let's put the past behind us and start a new chapter of our life. =>

Labels:I hope everything will be good this year. =>

Hangover-ing=>

2008-12-28T16:16:00.006+08:00

MY FACE WAS RED.
IM DRUNKKKKKKKKK =>
i did enjoyed myself at Double O yesterday.
thanks hermi. :)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRANCESCA!.

Labels: Im hangover-ing right now.

Merry Christmas!. =>

2008-12-25T21:36:00.009+08:00

We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
And a happy New Year.

Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special.

Is time to celebrate CHRISTMAS.
Santa Claus Is Coming To Town.
and every year when Christmas is drawing near, people will start to say they are nice this year, so will they receive present from Santa?
well, do Santa Claus exist in this world??
But i do know many years ago in Finland, there's such thing as Santa Claus.
I doubt he will travel all the way down from Finland to Singapore to give us presents.
neither the Rudolph(s) wants to deliver the presents with Santa from Finland to Singapore.

"Will i receive present from Santa?"
seriously, i dun care.
Because god has given me four best friends i ever know.
They are Jasmine, Stanley, Huey Ting and Ruby!.

We had our dinner at Cafe Cartel(Raffles City).
and as usual, cam-whoring always. =>

Our Christmas Log Cake!

Twilight(2008)

A teenage girl risks everything when she falls in love with a vampire.

Bella Swan has always been a little bit different. Never one to run with the crowd, Bella never cared about fitting in with the trendy, plastic girls at her Phoenix, Arizona high school. When her mother remarried and Bella chooses to live with her father in the rainy little town of Forks, Washington, she didn't expect much of anything to change. But things do change when she meets the mysterious and dazzlingly beautiful Edward Cullen. For Edward is nothing like any boy she's ever met. He's nothing like anyone she's ever met, period. He's intelligent and witty, and he seems to see straight into her soul. In no time at all, they are swept up in a passionate and decidedly unorthodox romance - unorthodox because Edward really isn't like the other boys. He can run faster than a mountain lion. He can stop a moving car with his bare hands. Oh, and he hasn't aged since 1918. Like all vampires, he's immortal. That's right - vampire. But he doesn't have fangs - that's just in the movies. And he doesn't drink human blood, though Edward and his family are unique among vampires in that lifestyle choice. To Edward, Bella is that thing he has waited 90 years for - a soul mate. But the closer they get, the more Edward must struggle to resist the primal pull of her scent, which could send him into an uncontrollable frenzy. Somehow or other, they will have to manage their unmanageable love. But when unexpected visitors come to town and realize that there is a human among them Edward must fight to save Bella? A modern, visual, and visceral Romeo and Juliet story of the ultimate forbidden love affair - between vampire and mortal.

Isabella Swan moves to gloomy Forks to live with her father. As she starts her junior year in high school she becomes fascinated by Edward Cullen who holds a dark secret which is only known by his family. Edward falls in love with Bella as well but knows the further they progress in their relationship the more he is putting Bella and those close to her at risk. Edward warns Bella that she should leave him but she refuses to listen and to understand why he is saying this. Bella learns his secret. He is a vampire, however she is not afraid of his blood-thirsty needs and the fact he could kill her at any moment. Bella is afraid of losing him, the love of her life. The thrill begins when a new vampire finds it a challenge to hunt Bella down for her irresistible blood. The game is on and James will not stop until she is killed.

Bella Swan is a clumsy, kind hearted teenager with a knack for getting into trouble. Edward Cullen is an intelligent, good looking vampire who is trying to hide his secret. Against all odds, the two fall in love but will a pack of blood thirsty trackers and the disapproval of their family and friends separate them?

The true question is, When you can live forever, what do you live for?

My Comments: Surprisingly good, of course it is sometimes a bit sugary, but that's to be expected in a teenage love story. Catherine Hardwicke did a great job, I love her edge. Kristen Stewart is believable and has a wonderfully tough vulnerability. The Pacific Northwest looks gorgeous. It is a very important character in the film. Twilight Twilight's target audience will definitely see this movie several times. I believe the film will reach the magic box office number it needs to make sequels : )

Labels:Twilight has became part of my fantasy. =0

Shoot Me!

2008-12-17T15:43:00.005+08:00

im so FUCKING BORED and BROKE.
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE SHOOT ME RIGHT ON MY FACE?

Labels:Bored and Broke.

Changes

2008-12-17T00:37:00.006+08:00

I type www.blogger.com.
the home page appeared.
i key in my user id and password.
i clicked onto the new post icon.
the page create under the category 'posting' appeared.
and there, a blank space appeared in front of me.
my mind is blank, empty of words, thinking what should i type?

................

been reading some of my friends 's blog.
trying to get inspiration from them. 'like real only.'
and so coincidentally, i found someone's blog so unintentionally.
is god trying to tell me something?
errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.......... i dun think so.
im sure nothing is going to happen. and even if something is going to happen, i will definitely prevent it from happening.

have i become a perfectionist?
have i become demanding?
have i become impatient towards everything?
have i become someone who also takes but never gives, a selfish brat?
have i become someone who i used to hate and yet now i am one of them?
i do admit, changes is part of human nature.
but i couldnt help but wonder how do you ownself know that you changed?
you can tell those friend of yours that they changed, because you noticed to their changes. definitely.
but.....
seeing the changes your friends made, how do you ownself know that you changed too?

i'm totally clueless.
i didn't noticed about that.
my close friends around me didn't mention anything about that either.
but someone who is close to me, did mention something to me which i'm not in the past.
that makes me wonder have i?

and now, so after knowing the changes in me, how am i going to change it?

Labels: It has never been that simple since the start of everything.

Developing.........

2008-11-27T01:15:00.002+08:00

"And I want to play hide and seek, give you my clothes, tell you I love your shoes, sit on the steps when you take a bath, and massage your neck. And kiss your face, hold your hand, and go for a walk. Not mind when you eat my food, and meet you at any random places and talk about the day.

Talk about your day and laugh at your, your paranoia. I give you tapes you don't even listen to, watch great films, watch terrible films. And tell you about the TV-program I saw the night before, and not laugh at your jokes. I want you in the morning, but let you sleep in for a while. Tell you how much I love your eyes, your lips, your neck, your tits, your arse. Sit on the steps, thinking 'till your neighbours come home. Sit on the steps thinking 'till you come home. And worry when you're late, and be amazed when you're early. I'd give you sunflowers and go to your party and dance.

Be sorry when I'm wrong and happy when you forgive me. Look at your photos and wish I'd known you forever. Hearing your voice in my ear, feel your skin on my skin, and get scared when you're angry. I tell you you're gorgeous, and hug you when you're anxious, and hold you when you're hurt, want you when I smell you, offend you when I touch you and whimper when I'm next to you. Whimper when I'm not. Dribble on your breast. Smother you in the night and get cold when you take the blanket and hot when you don't. Melt when you smile, dissolve when you laugh.

But not understand how you think I'm rejecting you when I'm not rejecting you, and wonder how you could ever think I'm rejecting you. And wonder who you are, but I accept you anyway. And tell you about the tree angel, the enchanted forest boy who flew across the whole ocean because he loved you. I'd buy you presents you don't want and take them away again. And ask you to marry me, and you say no again but I keep on asking because though you think I don't mean it but I always have from the first time I asked you. I wander the city thinking. It's empty without you but I want what you want and think. I'm losing myself.

But... But. But.

I'll tell you the worst of me and try to give you the best of me because you don't deserve any less. Answer your questions when I'd rather not, and tell you the truth when I really don't want to, and try to be honest because I know you prefer it. And think it's all over, but hang on for just ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life. Forget who I am and let me try and get closer to you.

And somehow, somehow, somehow communicate some of the overwhelming, undying, overpowering, unconditional, all-encompassing, heart-enriching, mind-expanding, ongoing, never-ending love... I have for you."

Labels:I think i have fallen in love with you, but i'm afraid to tell you......................

The Notebook =)

2008-11-23T17:24:00.003+08:00

THE NOTEBOOK.(shown in Year 2004)

The movie starts off with an old man in a nursing home reading a story to an old woman each day. The story he reads is about two young lovers named Allie Hamilton and Noah Calhoun. They met one evening at a carnival many years ago. Although Allie refuses Noah's request to go on a date at first, she changes her mind after a double date with her friend. After that, they spent the whole summer together. Allie's parents disapproved of this and separate Noah and Allie because of Noah's lack of wealth. After waiting for Noah to write to her for several years, Allie meets and becomes engaged to a handsome young soldier named Lon.

Allie did not know that Noah had written 365 letters, one letter a day for a year. He stops writing after a year because he had never gotten a response. In a local newspaper years later, Noah's picture catches Allie's eye. He is standing in front of a fully restored, 200 year-old home. The article is filled with praise for his accomplishments. Allie's heart nearly bursts and she faints; the last time she saw the house it was rotted and decaying, and Noah spoke of his plans to buy and renovate the house.

With her love for Noah still alive, the picture pulls at her heart. She feels she must go back, see if Noah is okay, and tell him about her marriage. Noah seems distant when first seeing Allie. However, he invites her in after she mistakenly drives into his fence. Noah and Allie have lunch, visit and Noah walks her to her car later that evening. He asks her to come back the next morning, as he has something he wants to show her. Allie goes to her hotel, where she gets a phonecall from Lon. She tells Lon that she's tired, and will call him the next day. She goes back to Noah's house in the morning and he takes her out on the lake in a rowboat. Noah shows Allie a part of the lake, where hundreds of white ducks are gathered. It starts to rain heavily, and turns into an absolute downpour. They both wonder why each other ended the relationship and Allie says that she was never ready for the relationship to be over, to which Noah replies "It never was over for me, it still isn't over", Allie asks Noah why he never wrote to her. Noah tells Allie that he wrote 365 letters but she apparently had never received them, and he then kisses Allie passionately. He carries her into the house, where they make love for the first time. When Allie's mother comes to pick her up after a few days, she learns that her mother's true love is a lumberjack whom she visits to see and wonder what would've happened had she followed her heart. She then leaves Allie to decide who she would like to be with after giving her the letters that Noah sent. Allie is then faced with the decision of picking between her finance Lon, and her true love Noah.

In the end, she realizes that she needed Noah in her life. She returned to Noah and they lived a long, wonderful life together. Allie gets Alzheimer's and soon forgets all of her life with Noah. Noah reads from a notebook Allie had written about all that happened in their life together, and soon gets Allie to remember, despite what her doctors said. At night, Noah sneaks into Allie's room and they die together peacefully in their sleep.

Directed by Nick Cassavetes. With Ryan Gosling, Tim Ivey, Rachel McAdams.

Comments after watching the movie:
a wonderful story. after watching it, you can tell how much they love each other. their belief of the love they have for each other. the passion their love had. and the belief that the love in them can creat a miracle. Allie has a lot of decision making for her life in the movie. but still, i think she chose the right one. there's a lot of LOVE in this movie. the love they had for each other are simple but is very strong. stronger than any love you once had. so much stronger. so much profound.....

all thanks to Jonathan for getting me the disc (the notebook) as my birthday present.

i love this show.
if you have the time, go to any dvd shop to get this and watch it.
i reccomand this movie to those who are a very into romance, love movies.............
because to ohers who dun really into this kind of movie, i think you guys will fall asleep half way throught the show. =)
this is really great.

Barista!

2008-11-18T15:30:00.002+08:00

Back from school!
wink wink =>
well, things getting busy at my side.
beside attending lessons in school, i have to attend additional lessons in Starbucks HQ!

yesterday, went to attend my first module 'First Impression".
all about starbuck's history, core values, mission, starbuck's dress code and blah blah blah.
and i was given this fucking thick book from store-in-charge.
the book will be my textbook throughout the whole course.
the first thing came into my mind was
"oh god! back to secondary school life!"

i dun know whether is this a good thing or a bad thing.
THEY HAVE ALREADY PLANNED MY COURSE SCHEDULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
is all the way till 06-12-2008.
the on the 6th December which is the last day of my lesson, i have to take a theory test and practical test.
and then i will be given the Barista Certificate.

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Labels: Im into Dota lately. is that a good thing? i wonder.................................

Back to school :)

2008-11-10T21:53:00.003+08:00

After three to four weeks of absence from school due to chicken pox and my grandpa,
finally, im back to school.
first day of school, i realized that i got to catch up a lots of things.
missed plenty of practicals and theory.
Miss Leong was very kind to give me additional lessons and practicals.
hopefully, i can be back on track with the class.

today, while Miss Leong was teaching colouring theroy, i totally dun understand a thing.
seeing all those charts and tables, my mind went blank.
im like huh? what the heck is she talking about??

it seems like i really got to buck up.
kenny, kenny, kenny
work hard!
:)

today in school, i heard this song playing from Raphaelle Gan's phone.

Why by Secondhand Serenade

it is a very nice song.
check through the lyrics and find that the lyrics suit me so much.

The buttons on my phone are worn thin
I don't think that I knew the chaos I was getting in.
But I've broken all my promises to you
I've broken all my promises to you.

Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?

A phrasing that's a single tear,
Iis harder than I ever feared
And you were left feeling so alone.
Because these days aren't easy
Like they have been once before
These days aren't easy anymore.

Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
To me, to me, to me...

I should've known this wasn't real
And fought it off and fought to feel
What matters most? Everything
That you feel while listening to every word that I sing.
I promise you I will bring you home
I will bring you home.

Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?

Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
To me, to me, to me...

Labels: life is full of colours, be happy :)

Im 18! :)

2008-11-09T00:40:00.002+08:00

just got back from marina square.
met up with my darlings....... STAN, RUPS and SISTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
thank you guys so much.
even though i cant celebrate my birthday because of my grandpa.
but still at least i felt fortunate and happy with you guys around.

to stan, rups and sista!.
thank you so much.
even though i cant celebrate but im happy with the dinner and coffee session.
my main aim for this birthday is to celebrate with my darlings.
i dun need a loud or happening celebration.
i just need you guys around and that's enough.
a big thank you to you guys.
and I LOVE YOU................................................

:)

i cant believe im 18 already.

Happy Birthday to ME :)

2008-11-08T00:06:00.004+08:00

08.11.08.
MY BIRTHDAY!.
IM 18 YEARS OLD ALREADY.
FINALLY!.
AFTER SO LONG.
IM 18..............................................................
MUHAHAHAHHAH.

Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to Kenny,
Happy Birthday to me.

About LOVE

2008-11-05T20:39:00.002+08:00

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Goodbye Grandpa

2008-11-05T17:39:00.006+08:00

The Grandchildren with Grandma and Grandpa

Grandpa, Brother, Me and Grandma

Me, Lynn, Edmund, Sandra and Grandpa

Me, Brother and Grandpa

GOODBYE GRANDPA!.
I WILL MISS YOU.

1st November 2008.
the day grandpa stopped breathing,
the day grandpa's heart stop beating.

six day before my birthday.
grandpa's gone.
and i was still 17.

i miss him a lot.
i cant hold his hands again.
i cant feed him water anymore.
i wont get to see him again.
he's gone forever.

but he always stay in my heart.

To YEYE,
I LOVE YOU.
I MISS YOU.
I will always remember the things you did for me when i was still a little one.
I will always remember you playing games with me and brother.
I will always remember your smile.
I will always remember your touch.
I really miss you.

Yeye,
rest in peace.
i will take care of myself.
i will work hard and study hard.
to me, you are a very great grandpa.
i love you.
you taught me well,
you guide me well.

I LOVE YOU, GRANDPA!.

you are forever in my heart.

HSM3 ROX!

2008-10-25T02:37:00.006+08:00

HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3 ROX!.
was back from grand cathy.
went to catch HSM3 in the evening.
the first thing i woke up, went to bath and went over to grand cathy to get HSM3 tickets for the evening.
wow!.
HSM3 really rox the whole theatre.
especially Vanessa Ann Hudgens!.
she's so pretty.
so gorgeous.
totally fabulous.

High School Musical 3 has a beautiful cast, a well put together wardrobe and (what seemed to me) a larger collection of well-choreographed song numbers. I found the song and dance sections of the film to be quite a bit different in the third movie than in the previous ones. This time, there was more emphasis on the props and coordinated sequences, much like a traditional Broadway production… or even a Frank Sinatra movie! Beyond this, the film played out much the way I expected, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. The most important thing was that the 9-year-old loved it. Target demographic reached. Mission accomplished Disney.

here is Vanessa Ann Hudgens who is Gabriella in the show.

she got a beautiful voice.

splendid.

I LOVE HER!.

well, i will be going back school on this coming tuesday.

when i go back to school, i really have to buck up.

i have missed two weeks of school and a lot of catch work need to be done.

gosh!.

work hard.

got to really buck up when im back in school.

anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY VJ!.

hope you have enjoyed you birthday with jas. lol.

jas, if you see this, please help me wish him a belated birthday.

god!.

I WANT TO WATCH HSM3 AGAIN..........................

Ask Yourself.

2008-10-16T16:10:00.003+08:00

i dunno is this a prank or is it by the real person. but just when my father suddenly collapsed at home and all out of breath, dear mr kenny goh sent me a sms that i swear i will never forget.

thank you so much... for all these you did. through you, i saw how 'true' friendships could be. all 4 whom i held closest to my heart had actually been quite a lie. perhaps my concerns and advises had really seem unneccessary coz afterall humans only like those who agrees with them.

this is what you claimed.
after knowing each other for so many years, so many years of friendship with you, i really appreciate and thank you for whatever you have sacrifice and give to this friendship.
so i assume that after knowing each other for so long or rather i should say a very close freindship you should know my character, my attitude all that consist of ME very well. but on the passage you post on your blog which i have copy and paste onto this post which is the first passage.
you dunno is the message you recieved is a prank or is it by the real person?
well, the point i want to focus on is after so long of friendship we had, you cant even figure out the sender of the message. is this what i get from all these years of friendship.
MISTRUST? or DOUBT?
i dun have to say much. becos my guilt is clear. you can have whatever impression of me now, but i can swear that i have done my part as a best friend in this friendship we used to have.

i do appreciate all those advices and concerns you have given me.
but afterall, why i do put aside all those questions and ? in my mind?.
because, i decided to risk it this time round.
why?. why i decided to do that?.
is because the emotions that all humans being has been searching for throughout their lives. LOVE. LOVE IS REALLY INVOLVED THIS TIME.
ask yourself, in the past, when you are in love, and you are in the situation of mine what will you do?
remembered the time you and him broke off and what did you do?.
didn't you went to get chocolates for him and wait at his block's downstairs to wait for him?
why? did you ever ask yourself why you do that?
is because afterall, you still loved him.

so being as my best friend, is this the kind of reaction i get from you, when i have found my loved one?
HATRED?
asked yourself for all the past relationship you have, did we all, Jasmine, Ruby, Stan and me give you the reaction and emotion of HATRED?
do you still remembered the time at marina square?
how much time we talked to you about your relationship?
we showed you clearly of the path you have and we did our part of your best friend to be there for you.
whenever you need us, if we do have the time, didnt we go out together in a clique still?

you should know by yourself, after secondary school, we have all start our journey on our own.
we cant be always together in a clique anymore.
stan in jc.
rups, jas and me in ite.
you are studying private.
so ask yourself, do we still have the time together and do all those crazy stuffs we used to do together?
and did we ever complain that no one is there for us?

please!. stop having all those emotions and feeling that we aren't always there for you AT ALL.
whenever i have the time during my holidays, whenever you asked me out, did i ever reject it?.

ask yourself katherine!
when did we do anthing unfair to you?

IM HAVING CHICKEN POX!.
all thanks to my brother.
school just started and i have to miss two weeks of school and stay at home like a TOOT.
sob sob.

forget about the RISK.

2008-10-09T01:24:00.003+08:00

Forget the risks,
Take the falls,
as long as it is worth it.
rups told me that,
and it really put me into the thinking mood.

after all the thoughts and all the advices i recieved.
and after the one week without contacting you.
i realized that i still love you,
i miss you.
and i make up my mind apart from all the questions that appeared in my head,
i told myself im going to risk it to be with you.

so now, i will try my fucking best to forget the past.
i want to move on with you.
i want you to be by my side.

please, dun disappoint me again.
please, dun hurt me again,
please, dun make me regret from risking it.

I love you.

I fear the silence of the night.

2008-10-06T13:23:00.003+08:00

My heart felt empty.
i cant figure out why.
im really confused now.
Whatever you have been doing for the past few days, it really shaking my heart.
i scared that i regret.
i scared that i have lose the will to commit and love anymore.
can you please go away?.
im really suffering.
im tired.

now i began to fear the silence of the night.
Quiet, Dark, Lonely.
it makes me think about the past.
and i felt that i have lost myself.
i dun know what i want now.
IM NOT MYSELF ANYMORE.

Im having sleepless night again.

All the while I showered you with trust and love
you left me a cut so deep I don't deserve
I gave you all I had to give, but I could never reach you
But I know I just don't have the power to carry on anymore.

but i always remembered that no matter what my DARLINGS are always here for me.

Some Thoughts Of Mine.

2008-10-04T16:24:00.001+08:00

Second post today.
nothing to do.
meeting Katherine for coffee later in the evening.
still waiting for her message as her niece is at her house.

i had some thoughts.
i should stop emo-ing.
there's no point.
i should start planning on my new lifestyle.
well, having some thoughts just now, i realize that i have actually stop exercising for a very very long time.
so i promise myself, from tmr start, i will go for swimming twice to thrice a week.
why swimming?.
becos i live to swim. hahaha.

i want to get back my old lean fit body and the fabulous tan colour.
cant wait.
dun be shocked, my darlings.
well, i just dun want to waste my youth anymore.

im turning eighteen soon.
in about 1 month and 4 days time.
8th November.
muhahahah.
and that will be my time of my life.

so i should enjoy my 17 before 18 catch up on me.

THE CALLING.
trying to find songs to update into my mp3 as im so sick of the songs inside it.
even though i have 350 songs inside, im sick of every single one. as almost everyday they are being played into my ears over and over again.
so i went to download songs by the calling.
and I LOVE IT.
even though is not the latest songs ever and is quite a old band but i still love it.

1.The Calling-Wherever you go
2.The Calling-For you
3.The Calling-Believing
4.The Calling-Could it be any harder
5.The Calling-Anything
6.The Calling-These are the best day of our lives
7.The Calling-Chasing the Sun
8.The Calling-Our lives
9.The Calling-Stigmatized
10.The Calling-Adrienne

if you guys free, try listening to them.
i have update my playlists.
Believing by THE CALLING.

Title: The Calling - Believing lyrics

I'm one man to make a difference
I'm one soul all persistence
In a dark world, just trying to make things right
Choices we weren't given
Any heroes and our decision
Is to stand up and fight for ourselves

To be free
Is all we want to be
When everything seems so far out of reach
But I know, no matter where we go
I'll never stop believing in me

Woke up bent and broken
Just to find that fate has spoken
And I call out I call out for change
For every moment that remains
For every sinking stone to find its place
Long before they're washed away

To be free
Is all we want to be
When everything seems so far out of reach
But I know, no matter where we go
I'll never stop believing in me

We've been waiting for too long
We've been giving in to wrong
We've been broken to pieces one by one

We're gonna know
We're gonna know
When the moment comes

To be free
Is all we want to be
When everything seems so far out of reach
I need to know, no matter where we go
I'll never stop believing in me

To be free
Is all we want to be
When everything seems so far out of reach
I need to know, no matter where we go
I'll never stop believing in me

Everything is gone.

2008-10-04T13:25:00.004+08:00

Everything is gone.
you have made me closed one last door for you.
do you know how suffering i am?
do you know how much i have done for you?
do you know how much you have hurt me?

i do still love you.
but after so many things that had happened, it seems like we dun belong together.
i asked myself this question
will i be happier if im single again?
my heart tell me yes, i will.

im really suffering.
im really in pain.
im really very hurt.
im really very disappointed.

i need to be alone.

Grandpa was hospitalized again :(

2008-10-02T14:45:00.004+08:00

i opened my eyes.
i was in reality once again.
i saw my grandma standing next to me.
she told me that Grandpa was hospitalized again.
the first new i heard this morning.
very sudden, very shocked.
just like the time he was admitted to the hospital.
this time round, things became worse.
half of his liver not functioning anymore.
his heart is not working well.
the rest of the parts are not functioning that well too.
they are going to break down anytime.
im scared once again.
very scared.

he's now in the hospital.
in the A&E department,
doctors should be doing blood tests, x ray and stuffs.
until now, they are still examining him.
Auntie Yen and the maid is in the hospital with him.

well, i dun know what to say.
seriously.

Please dun make me close one more door,
I dun wanna hurt anymore,
Or must i imagine you there,
You see through, right to the heart of me,
you break down the walls of mine, with the strength of your love.
please, i beg you, dun hurt me again.

Smile

2008-09-30T13:26:00.003+08:00

Smile though your heart is aching

smile even though it’s breaking

when there are clouds in the sky you’ll get by

if you smile through your fear and sorrow

smile and maybe tomorrow

you’ll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness

hide every trace of sadness

although a tear may be ever so near

that’s the time you must keep on trying

smile, what’s the use of crying?

You’ll find that life is still worthwhile,

if you just smile.

Relationship weigh how important in your life?

2008-09-29T13:23:00.002+08:00

They say that opposites attract, but they never say for how long.
Should the relationship be one stoke the fires of passion with the kindling of work and friends?
or should we be satisfied with a romance that sizzles?
i couldn't help but wonder without the sharing ur world and feelings with one another, can even the hottest relationship stop cold?

let me ask, relationship weigh how important in your life?.
most of the answer i knew is either relationship weigh a huge part of my life or realtionship is nothing to me.
in that case, among the population in singapore, how many percent of the population will answer yes, relationship weigh a huge part of my life.
and
how many percent of the population will answer no, relationship is bullshit to me.

so i conclude that those people whose answer that relationship is bullshit to me are the one who fuck around and play around with people's feelings.
and
those people whose answer is relationship weigh a huge part of my life are the one who always get hurt in the end of the relationship after putting a huge amount of effort and time trying to stable down the relationship. and they are also the one who treat relationship as a very serious matter.
so i couldn't help but wonder among all the relationship i had with, which catergory do they fall to?
and me, im in the catergory that will answer relationship weigh a huge part of my life.

recently, im obessed with this song by Jennifer Hudson-Spotlight.
it is her latest singles.
and yap.
things isn't going well in my relationship.

I came to live out loud.

2008-09-26T13:00:00.003+08:00

When we were young, our parents sang to us about accepting each other and our differences.
But then we got older and started singing a different tune.
We stop celebrating each other's life choices and started qualifying them.
Is Acceptance really that hard and childish concept?
Or did we have it right all along?
When did we stop being free to be you and me?

if u asked me what i came into this world to do, i will tell you.
I CAME TO LIVE OUT LOUD :)

Im in LOVE.

2008-09-19T12:50:00.003+08:00

Holidays coming in, just said bye to moon cake festival and soon Hari-Raya will be coming.
things are fine at my side.
enjoying my life.

well, Im In Love.
not a rebound, not a desperate one but a very special, full of emotions, cant stop thinking of you kind.
im treasuring every moments, every minute, every time when im with you.
till last night, i was missing your presence so much.
im used to have you by my side.
im used to talking to you till both of us fell asleep.
im used to hugging you and out of surprise i will give you a peck on your lips.
im glad things are better now.
we know more about each other.
we communicate more than the past.
and
i love spending time with you.

i love you baby. muack. :)

Maybe our mistakes are what we make our fate.
Without them, what would shape our lives?
Perhaps if we could veered off course,
we wouldn't fall in love, or be who we are we
or who we want to be.
After all,
seasons change, so do cities.
people coming into our life and people go.
But it's comforting to know the one who you love are always by your side and always lies in your heart.
And if you are very lucky, he or she is the right one for you.

went to Pasir Ris park to celebrate Moon Cake festival with Friends.
the art work we did with candles.

What Is Love?

2008-09-05T13:40:00.003+08:00

What is LOVE?

have you all ever ask yourself this question?

love?.

have you ever been in love before?

how do you know that you are in love?.

is it true that falling in love with someone is very easy?

American's belief that when we are born to this world, the god has already created our another part. so which means to say we came into this world in pair, so the mission or objective for us to born in this world is to go through all the life experiences, emotional crisis like hurt, disappointment, sadness, anger, happy and etc and when we have learnt or been through enough of it, that will be the time for us to meet our the other one.

but the problem is, even if the right one has come, how do we know that he/she is the right one?

the feelings?

the atmosphere?

or maybe the feelings that is so special is not love is affection.

many people mistaken affection as love.

so with all this feelings hidden inside us, how will do we know that we are really in love?.

so many roads, so many detours,
so many choices, so many mistakes,
as we drive along the road called LIFE,
occasionally we will be a little lost, and when that happens, he/she had to let go of
the 'coulda, shoulda, woulda'
and just keep it going.

As we speed along to the destination called
'Who We Hope To Be'
we cant help but whine
ARE WE THERE YET?

Are you ready to enter?

Long Weekend.

2008-09-04T22:27:00.007+08:00

Well, i had a very long weekend.
a very tiring, full of problems waiting for me to be solved, heartbreaking weekend.
No matter what happen, i always know that my darlings are always there for me.
THANK DARLINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

i had this thought out of the blue,
after all the relationships i have been through,
i realized something,
In a relationship, sometimes is best not to know something than to known.

but eventually time will still tell everything to you.

maybe to you, my actions, my words, my expressions show that i dun bother about you, i dun care.
but in my heart, i always care for you, worried for you, happy for you, thinking of you and most importantly is I LOVE YOU.
im sorry to make you have those feelings or give you those attitude that you dun like.
im sorry to let you down.
i will always remembered what we have promised.
and

forever is still always in my heart.
it had never vanished from my heart.
let us forget about the past and start everything afresh again alrighty?
now will be just simply you and me. and No one else. :)

Treasuring the time with him.

2008-08-30T07:43:00.002+08:00

Im in the hospital now.
overnight at the hospital again.
the 2nd night.
was accompanied by my brother and cousin sandra.

7.50am.
we are waiting for the doctor to come over.
the nurse told us that the doctor will be coming over at 8am.
yap, we are still here waiting.
luckily, my brother brought the lappy to the hospital.
if not, haha, i dun know what am i going to do for the whole night.

brother is sleeping now, cousin sandra just woke up.
we spent the night watching videos from youtube.
grandpa is lying on the bed, panting and staring at the walls.

the nurse told us that grandpa might be able to discharge today.
that's why we decided to stay behind and hear what the doctor say.

grandpa's condition?.
was bad.
the intestines, organs are all infected.
due to old age and past medical history.
water retention.
no medicine can be cure his condition.
so we are now simply waiting for the day to come.

seeing him lying on the bed, doing nothing, panting heavily left me speechless.
the hands full of bandage and blood clots that had already been there for days, doesnt seems to be wearing off make his hands look more worse than ever.

somehow, this thought came into my mind.
will i be like that when im old?.
im sure no one want to be in this situation.
but still, is unpredictable.

im treasuring the times im here beside him, watching him doze off to his LaLaLand, feed him with water, hold his hands tightly to let him know that im here with him by his side through the night, watching him every minute to check on his breathing.
and keeping this image of him and time with him in my heart.

Is just matter of time.

2008-08-29T15:21:00.003+08:00

Grandpa's condition became worse.
when i was walking home, i received a call from sandra cousin that grandpa's condition worsen.
i rushed to the hospital immediately.
when i reached the ward, almost all my relatives were there.
after greeting them, i heading to the room.
room 24 bed 5.
there he was.
sitting down on the bed breathing not breathing is actually panting.
i hold his hands.
i gripped it tightly.
i dun want to let go.

i guess the doctor did their best.
i spent the night over at the hospital with sandra and katherine.
thank katherine for accompany me at the hospital.
didnt go to school.
i got auntie yen to call miss leong.
everything is fine except grandpa.

and now is just the matter of time.

Things are better now.

2008-08-26T20:32:00.003+08:00

went to the hospital to visit grandpa after my school today.
im glad that he's getting better,
he seems better than the day he was admitted.

everything is better now.
school wise, things are better than i expected?
i got to really wake up early and work harder.
i dun want to disappoint the teachers and myself.

thank you everyone for being so encouraging and supportive during my very down period. especially my DARLINGS.
thank you so much.
if you guys were not there at that point of time i really dun know what's the outcome?.
:-)

Finally, im at ease now :)

Time.

2008-08-25T14:21:00.003+08:00

i need time to be mentally prepared for the worst.
but the more time im going to take, the lesser time he left.

i took a deep breath and stepped into the room.
there he was.
lying on the bed,
with tubes attached to him,
his hand was filled with patches of blood clot.
his eyes was tired, he's just basically staring in the air.
he started waving, waving to no one.
my heart broke into millions of pieces.
i cant imagine the person who is lying down on the bed is my grandpa.
i touched his hand.
his hand was cold.
and the skin on his palm started to dry up and left the dry skin.
he is simply too weak.
too skinny.
when you helped him on the bed you can feel the bone but not fats or anything but just the bone.
i tried talking to him,
but he remained silent.
he keep staring at the walls above him.
i felt helpless.
i cant do anything.
i cant understand him.

Grandpa was hospitalized.

2008-08-24T13:34:00.002+08:00

Grandpa was hospitalized.

was back from the hospital first.
didnt like the feeling and atmosphere in the hospital.
so i decided to come back first.

the doctor told me us that he's old already.
ya true he in his early 80s.
his windpipe and liver is not functioning very well.
that's why he had a hard time breathing.

the doctor is still checking his body.
from head to toe.

im worried for him.
i hope he's ok.

my granduncle told me something just now in the hospital.
i knew this was coming.
the feeling that my grandpa was hospitalized was different this time.
i got to prepared myself.
i cant bear him to leave me.
i love him.
i love you, grandpa.

My Grandpa.

2008-08-24T10:51:00.003+08:00

I was woken up by my grandma.
she asked me to accompany her to the hospital.
because of my grandpa.
He has not eaten anything since two days back.
only water he took.
and he seems restless, no energy and tired.
he dun even have the energy to go to the loo.
he just let everything out on the bed.
im scared,
im worried,
but i cant break down at this moments.
i need to stay strong.
i really need to.
i cant afford to lose anybody at this moments.

sometimes, i would want someone to hold me tight and make everything ahead of me clear so that i can walk down the road without anything blocking or stop me.
im tired of life.
but i know that i had to carry on.
because i always know that my friends, darlings are always there for me :)

cut peiwen's hair yesterday.
hope she like it. :)

There's always something
In the way
There's always something
Getting through
im tired of this.
i really need a break.

im disappointed, im speechless by your actions and words.

English 'O' Level Exam

2008-08-21T11:22:00.003+08:00

Im having my 'O' level English Oral Examination later in the afternoon.
and im still half-awake from my sleep.
now is 11.15am.
Three hours later, i will be in the small, quiet room with two unknown strangers trying to read a passage, describe a picture and talk about anything that they are going to ask me.
i can sense the feeling coming back.
the nervous and the mind is blank kind of feeling.
Queensway Secondary School.
the school they posted me to for my retaking 'O' level exam.
and
the School i graduated from.

can i actually do well this time round?.
will i at least score better than D7?

well, is all depending on myself.
i hope i can do it this time round.

Im meeting Rups darling and all this coming friday.
I seriously miss them lots.
so need their warm hugs.

I LOVE MY

work hard son!

2008-08-20T18:26:00.003+08:00

school's over, lesson finished and another day gone.
well, I'm touched.
was reading Simon's blog.
the same reaction or feeling as him?.
i was surprised.
after so long since we graduated,
we do still viewing each other blog.
i didn't expect him to view my blog?.
well, the truth now is ya, he do view my blog and i do also view his blog.

i always remembered the times when we were in school.
in class, letting the music that we once loved into our ears.
enjoying the music, gossiping about McFadden, talking about delta?.
and the family tree thingy.
well, Katherine the mum, me the dad and him the son.
the happy family we called.

but now, we all changed.
different inspirations, different goals, different target and different perspective of life.
but still, there's one thing in us still not changed.
the memories, we the happy family once had. :)

he's in Melbourne now.
well, the parents in Singapore.
but seriously,
Simon, life is hard in Melbourne for you.
but...
dun give up.
continue striving for the things you aimed and wanted.
the road to it is hard and lonely.
stay strong.
always remember in Singapore, all your friends are here misses you and we are praying for you.
you are not forgotten by us, you are always our the best vice-chairman in secondary school.
whenever you are down, think of us.
maybe you will feel better?.
we will be here waiting for you to come back and join us for Christmas :)
so take care of yourself, continue working hard and come back visit us with your lovely smile and your jokes?.
when you are back, your mum will definitely feed you with her poison cakes?
hahah.

Life is beautiful :)

2008-08-18T13:21:00.007+08:00

today MONDAY, 18-08-08, i did not attend school.
well, i am tired and feeling not very well.
every morning i woke up, beside brushing my teeth and wash my face, i need something. something that can make me really awake and a good start of my day.
COFFEE.
while im drinking coffee now while blogging. :)

this morning i woke up, the first thing that came into my mind is when is my O level english oral examination?.
i find and find for that piece of paper that lying somewhere in my room.
i found it.
it stated English Language Oral 21/08/08 14:15.
god!. is on this coming thursday.
and you know what?
i have not even done one reading nor picture description on my own.
i guess i have to skip another haircut practical on thursday.

i was reading simon's blog.
what if his name was Aaron instead of Simon?.
will everything change?.
i wonder.
while reading through his blog, i realized that everyone started to change or already changed.
is just the matter of time.
we all no longer those small, little, cute, innocent kids.
we are now grown up, experienced, mature teenagers going adults.

so what if my name was Galvin instead of Kenny?.
will my life now different?
will i still be the Galvin?.
sometimes i even wondered is the Galvin in Kenny?
is the Kenny in the Galvin?.

but kenny learnt one thing through galvin is that no matter how hard our life is, we just need to bite our teeth and fight till the end.
at the end of the day, we not only win the battle, we also gain new experience and we also do learn a new lesson in our life.
and Galvin's belief that LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL :).

You are not nothing to me.

2008-08-11T16:11:00.001+08:00

Did i did the right thing?
Am i myself?
If im myself, then why am i feeling so depressed right now?

Yesterday, i saw you.
i didnt use the word i THINK i saw you or MAYBE that's you.
cos i can feel that that's you.
even though the place was dark,
but i know that's you.
the features of yours betrayed you.
i didnt expect that you will be there.
somehow im doubting whatever you have said to me.

i know im not supposed to feel this way
i know im not supposed to care.
i know im nothing to you.
but.....
i know that you are not nothing to me.